One Stream - Many Voices
We are a company of prophets who have the privilege of sitting at and reporting from the feet of Jesus​

Have you ever wondered why people struggle to really connect in the Church?  Have you noticed patterns of entrance and exit by church family members whom you thought appeared invested, connected, and relationally solid, only to find out months later or even years later that they never felt “like they belonged”? How about as a church leader or staff member? You are bought into the churches mission, purpose, and vision, working hard even with many members on your ministry team but secretly you would agree, “I am not sure I am known/not sure they know what to do with me/not sure my heart is safe?” Do you feel alone on the ministry team you seem deeply invested in? ​I have been on a revelatory quest with God to find some answers to some of these patterns I noticed as a long-term church staff person. While I know there are probably many components contributing to any issue or need in the Body of Christ, given the territorial uniqueness’s and specific enemy warfare tactics, consider this revelation as part of the mix of understanding for us to become overcomers and liberators of the Family of God and effective disciple-makers for the harvest we are called to steward.  ​ CONTEXT It began with a noticed pattern, a very distinct cycle with the same words spoken by those who left our church—all or at least 1 of their family members felt like they never could connect, couldn’t “break in” to relational circles. They would say, “we have never felt like we belonged or could develop community.” This deeply saddened me as we often lost quality leaders, gifted and anointed co-laborers, my friends, and it seemed like a mystery that these people of all people felt outside, disconnected, with no community.  And these are just the ones who spoke up!  I began back then to ask the Lord, but I was too occupied with responsibility to listen for the answer. I, even on staff, often felt the same way. When staff would gather for new year strategy meetings or the annual Christmas Party, I would notice how spent I felt with self-talk that sounded like, “do these people even know me because I don’t really know them? Am I truly ‘a part’ of this team or family? I feel outside the circle.” After having stepped down from staff, the Lord asked me to remain at the church (which I reminded Him that people really don’t generally do; to which He responded, “I know. Stay put.”) I watched several quicker sets of cycles happen again since 2020:  people enter excited, anticipating all the strengths they see at our church only to slip out the back door. Many of them citing the same reasons spoken before.  Now I had time, time to seek God and listen.   At the same time, I and my husband were asked to develop small group leaders and were allowed to do this in a Spirit-led manner. That was also a remarkable aspect of the mystery of these cycles and patterns. The church knew community was a necessary and missing/week component of this church family. And they regularly threw Small Group methods at the symptom, experiencing a brief surge followed by a slide back into the same-old-same-old.  I wanted this bad! Seeking God for solutions, keys to answer the “why”, ready to warfare effectively with divine insight; I was determined to find solutions! And interestingly, God kept dropping brief words about the spirit of Jezebel.  So, I dug and asked curious questions of God and looked at our people, structures and foundations with Jesus, but I could not see Jezebel clearly.  I could spot her effects all day long, but she was nowhere to be obviously seen in operation. One day the Lord said very clearly, “Jezebel is in the family structures.” What? Is it in individual family structures or in The Family of God or in the father/son Pastoral teams family that shepherded my church? Fresh hunger awakened to press in. THE KEY As I and my husband pursued the Lord for effective Small Group strategy, God started with direction  to build an Authenticity and Vulnerability framework as well as a Communal God Encounters. He then began communicating with me about what He called Enmeshment. When I leaned into it, He pointed to ungodly Soul Ties to help define it, but He would only use the word Enmeshment when speaking with me about it. And then He led me to Queen Jezebel’s story. As I meditated on the scripture, He made the connections. Ahab and Jezebel’s marriage was a strategic union, an ungodly covenant. But God highlighted specifically that this was a unity for strategic self-promotion, marriage for “what you can do to benefit my hold on people and territory.” And it benefited both sides, particularly, the Lord said, “Ahab gained from a covenant through what she brought to the union, a short cut allowing the leader to skip the humility required for relational trust building with his people.” As I sat in it, I saw it! Leaders often unknowingly use people in a normalized need-based structure. The Leaders take what they can get from people as servers, leaders, gift carriers and anointed people installing them in function in the church but bypass the process of relational knowing and trust building with individuals.  Some of this is simply practical, I pastor in many churches cannot know each person very deeply. But the missing structure of Christ-patterned discipleship where an elder in the church knows a few deep enough to be a part of their development and Christ-like transformation limits all our capacity and keeps us enmeshed in “function” alone. It produces a counterfeit sense of belonging based on what you can do for me/my organization’s needs.  Ouch! I said, and then grieved for the years that I partnered with this demonic system in my own ministry areas. Next, God toured me through the story of Naboth’s vineyard. Ahab wanted a vegetable garden next to his palace and the ideal spot was a tract of land owned by his neighbor, Naboth. Naboth denies the king what he wants on the basis that this is his God-given family inheritance in The Land of Promise. Sulking in a self-pity pit is the king’s response. But it’s what Jezebel does that God landed on. She counterfeits authority on Ahab’s behalf, manipulating to gain territory for him. Taking the signature of the king, she first assassinates Naboth’s character (through false accusation & seeds of gossip) which leads to his literal assassination and even his entire family line in order.  Now, my leaders bend over backward to be honoring and to develop a culture of honor but despite our best efforts to uproot gossip by “teaching it out of” our church family, we struggle with people talking behind one another’s back; refusing to go directly to each other with disagreement, offense or conflict we flounder in bitter judgements. We remain stuck in our early-adolescent ways of seeking security in enmeshed friendship circles (cliques), winning allies to our side or perspective, and accusation over other broken enmeshments in unhealthy relationships. It can be as simple as making the other seem small or discussing their brokenness as a “concern” or matter of prayer. Two times, I have seen an act of compassion on a families behalf turn into full blown Hatfield-and- McCoy feuding, accusations and torn relational bonds where trust used to be solid. In these, the unseen enmeshments left hearts bloody and trust irreparable. The final area is quite subtle. Jezebel so effectively seduces a nation towards compromise and idolatry, single handedly. In an insanely short period of time, the nation dives into the depths of harlotry-of-the-heart and abominable worship practices! For Israel, they are led into it by their enmeshed King and Queen. In western churches, this could manifest as specifically as sexual impurity or compromise (porn addiction, emotional enmeshments, etc.) but it can be as subtle as worship of ministry position or function, self-promotion, being known for what we do in the church and protecting it with control tactics. We get Enmeshed with our “doing” or “function” in the structure of the church organization and the importance of relational trust- being truly known and loving one another beyond our functions- never gets to germinate.  This is often what is behind the subtle character assassinations. If you can see, we are enmeshed with our church “function” as well as enmeshed with one another including our church leadership and how they “need us” (or too many in the church are, those that aren’t end up just functioning because that is all that works in this church). In an attempt to self-protect functional position, we assassinate others or simply limit their functional territory so we don’t loose our valued self-identifying position—and there is Jezebel’s signature pride. Some of these problems or habits have been in the church for centuries. The revelation here is in Enmeshment-- a church glued together, struggling to function as an unhealthily soul-tied counterfeit community and Jezabel/Ahab being the spirits behind it. Keys to Freedom What do we do next? How do we kill it?! 1. Ask God for enlightened eyes (Ephesians 1:16-21). You mut be able to see the hurtful effects without defensiveness, the symptoms of Enmeshment without bitter judgement, the hope of the riches of your glorious inheritance as well as His immeasurable power towards us exercised through Christ-restored dominion over these demonic influencers over yourself and your people. We can put it under us and be transformed through Christ. 2. Allow time for grieving towards repentance (2 Corinthians 7:9-11). Let God reveal the subtle ways you and your organization has partnered with Jezebel & Ahab spirits. Greive the practices and habits you didn’t recognize until God revealed it and those that were hurt by it. Grieve the losses from the years of no understanding and not seeking God about it. But don’t stay there. Let the grief press you to repentance and let repentance produce the eagerness for change. Forgive those who taught you these ways in the past as God directs your memories and forgive yourself for wrong ways and wrong alignments. Renounce all versions of Enmeshed relating leaders-> members, Member-> member/leader, and enmeshment with position. Get as much organizational buy-in as you can which may call for a solemn assembly (Joel 2:15-17) where enmeshment in relationships is repented for between members and soul-ties are broken before the Lord.  3. As leaders and as much of the family of God are willing, take an authoritative stand calling Jezebel and Ahab spirits out into the light!  James 4:1-10 is a great passage to turn into prayers and decrees. It gives simple instructions in verse 7 to submit yourselves to God. But then you must actually do the opposite of what the enemy desires. This will require some intentionality. 4. As elders and leaders, ask God for wisdom with full faith (James 1:5- 6) that God will answer and give you the new “How”—how to do church with structures that assist with prioritize being known, integrity with accountability and ways to practice vulnerability and being trustworthy with one another’s hearts. You may even need structure for how to handle the messy practice of “the new” (Matthew18:15-17) while individuals work out what it looks like to relate without enmeshment. It will be a mind renewing process for all over time. Expect to spend significant time on this as a family, in teams, and as an organization giving grace for the process of walking it out in life and ministry. 5. Rejoice!  Rejoice that God only disciplines those whom He considers sons/daughters! Rejoice in affliction that produces humility! Rejoice as you see victory and wins in the areas of belonging, growth personally and as well as numerically, in disciples who multiply disciples!  This is worth it! You are worth it!